Is anybody else really excited that the low this week in Knox is 45 degrees?
I know I wrote about how much I missed summer last week, but now I'm ready to embrace fall.
The changing leaves, pumpkins, cool breezes, cuddling, football, dark blue autumn sky, sleeping with my window open, sweaters, no frizzy hair, bonfires, autumn colors.
I sat outside under the perfect fall sky yesterday at the Swicegoods and studied. It was completely gorgeous out. The breeze smelled like fall, and that made me content.
I don't know what my problem is lately. I haven't focused on anything, or anyone, other than my DVR and sleep. I'm not depressed, I just haven't been motivated. I've felt lost.
Let's clarify...I finally have a major after 9 years...and I feel - LOST? Riddle me that.
I don't know what my problem is. I can't concentrate. I'm apathetic towards class. I get out of bed, get ready for school, and then just don't even want to go. I am lost.
But today, well yesterday rather, I decided to put a stop to that. I'm 27. I've done the school thing. I can use the "burned out" excuse all I want, but it doesn't help me get A's. I can't change how I've started the school year, but I can change how I end it.
What now?
Operation: Go Big or Go Home 2009 Edition
That's pretty much my only option.
GO BIG
go to all my classes
stay on top of my assignments
manage my study schedule
spend more time at the library
copy my notes
turn the DVR OFF!!!!
say NO to social engagements and hit the books
Do what you feel now... -Electric Feel by MGMT
*listening to MGMT...which partially inspired the blog title.
They're 'immortal'...this leaves them with DECADES of primping, learning the latest fashions, time to tweak their look. They've had years of observations as to what the opposite sex prefers. WE definitely have the disadvantage here.
They have a low-cal diet...they're immune to food addictions like Starbucks, pizza, and Chick-Fil-A.
Pale is in lately. Skin cancer scares people from having a tan. Hence, pale vampires=hot.
They have that brooding, pensive, care-less attitude. Why IS that attractive btw?
Firehouse Subs
You would have thought that since I love firefighters, I would have dropped in here for a meal years ago. Last night I went for the first time. I was not impressed. I really wanted to be, I mean, this is a place started by firemen, for firemen (and the general public). I didn't care for it. I'm somewhat disappointed, because I would like to enjoy frequent dining at a place where they hand out free plastic firechief hats for the kids.
Frenemies
Why does someone want to have a frenemy? This is the latest 'lingo' to describe someone who is a friend, and yet, an enemy. I can't think of anyone that I want as a frenemy. Either I like them, or I don't. I don't want to fake it with anybody. Maybe this comes from the saying..."Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Well that line isn't in the Bible, therefore it's not true. :)
*NO, I don't believe in vampires, nor am I obsessed with them. This observation comes after watching The Vampire Diaries for the first time last night. I will admit I like cheesy vampire shows (I was addicted to Buffy back in the day), it's just amusing that they're so HOT lately.
In one minute, it will officially be the first day of fall.
Usually, I highly anticipate the changing of the seasons. I have never been a summer lover. I am a fall girl all the way. Leaves falling, hot apple cider, bonfires, cool days and colder nights, sweaters. I am in love with all of those things.
However, this was the first year I had a true summer. A summer filled with friends and vacations. Pools and sunny days. Laughs and fireflies. This is the first time I've ever felt saddened by autumn's imminent approach.
So, so long, sweet summer. Summer loves. Summertime. Boys of summer.
Welcome fall. Autumn leaves and pumpkins included.
Sending it, receiving it, seeing it, holding it, returning it. D) All of the above.
Today I received a small envelope my mom sent me with bills. Hidden among the papers was an article from The Commercial Appeal. It read that High Point Coffee had closed all stores in Memphis.
I absolutely adored High Point Coffee. My heart is so sad that I didn't get to enjoy a marble mocha one last time. I get so tired of sbucks. It's good, but it's nice to have an alternative.
I have so many memories from High Point. Getting to know Matt and J. Crowe. Reading the 8-ball's first fortune towards my 26th birthday question at the end of their counter. Making a Y-O picture with J-Phil on one of our many trips. Chocolate covered espresso beans on top of my coffee cup. Hanging out with anyone from the Rogers' family over a cup of joe. Enjoying a night out with the Cortezes post-Christmas Carol. Getting free coffee with Ames on my 27th birthday.
Stinky feet, this makes me sad. High Point had become my first stop when I came back to Memphis, and my last when I left.
I just needed to share my heartbreak.
On a lighter note...
My curtains are almost up in my room. Almost up? Well, they've been held up, almost screwed in, then complications arose, and they are still on the rod waiting for the hardware to be installed. I love decorating, hanging pictures, etc. I do not love the process of screwing things into the wall. That's why I love my mom. She is sooooo good at that :). However, my mom is not willing to drive 6 hours to hang up some curtains. Go figure. This is where my recruiting skills come in. I'm usually pretty good at getting people to do stuff for me. I cooked fajitas, and asked the boys to hang my curtain rod in return. It's still a work in progress...but I thought I'd give you a glimpse.
Daniel and Matt Kelley hard at work. Hopefully they'll get back and finish the job.
They did get my mirror hung...a little too high. But beggars can't be choosers.
Whenever I see 10:13 on the clock, I think of Matt Roger's birthday.
October 13th.
It reminds me of the time I bought him a singing balloon for his birthday with a creepy clown. I took it to his work. He stopped by my house afterwards to pick it up. He left and he rode home with it tied onto his motorcycle.
It was humungous. It was hideous. It took flight into the crisp, October night air on his ride down my street.
I'm pretty sure you could hear it singing as it lifted up towards the heavens in the dark.
I'll never forget his smile that night as we laughed each time the creepy clown sang 'Happy Birthday.' I miss having him as my best friend.
My heart is kinda sad right now. I'm not depressed. Just feel like curling up in my bed and shutting the world out.
Sometimes I feel like I can't catch up with myself. I don't have time to do the things that really matter. I haven't kept up with people like I should.
I read in the bulletin last week that Ms. Myra was in the hospital. I should have called.
I read this week she is in a nursing home/rehab facility.
I called my mom to see what was wrong with her. She had a stroke and a heart attack and she doesn't recognize anyone around her. Not even her own sister.
We talk on the phone every couple of weeks, catch up. I visit her and her sister, Mrs. Lenore, when I go home. They always check up on me, sneak money into my hand, give me cookies to take on my car ride home.
She called me a week after I moved back to Knox, not knowing I had already left the week before. I didn't get a chance to say bye to her when I left. She told me so..."You didn't say bye." I was put off with her for some reason for not remembering when I was leaving. We had a short conversation. I figured I would call her later.
I didn't.
She doesn't know who anyone is. That includes me.
I keep thinking about the last time she called me. I didn't give her my heart during the conversation. I didn't talk with her about life like I normally do. I figured we'd have another chance.
I feel like crap. I feel like crap for not calling her back. For not calling and seeing why she was in the hospital a week ago. For going on with my life, when I knew something was wrong.
Somehow I let the people I love the most down, when they need my love the most.
Tears flow and hearts break. Somehow we just keep going on with life. And somehow that doesn't always seem right.
Pray for Ms. Myra. Pray for Mrs. Lenore.
Pray that I'll have a chance to tell her I love her one more time.
Pray for broken and hurting hearts. I know too many of them. Pray that somehow, someway, they can heal, mend within.
I love my new home. I love love love my second year in k-town. I love the fact that I've stayed committed to myself (putting away things I don't need in my life: people, fbook, etc.).
I also love the fact that I have some pretty spectacular friends. Matt and J. Crowe. (That's Jessica for those who aren't up to speed.)
They are so stinkin' awesome. I spent my birthday eve this past summer with them in B-ham, laughing, experiencing new places, revelling in the glory that God has given us as friends.
They stopped by Knox tonight on their way home from PTP in Sevierville and we all ate at P.F. Chang's. I was a first-timer and it didn't take much to impress me. It was delicious! Definitely ate more than necessary. It was totally worth it. Just one night. Blame it on the Crowes (I told them I would hold them accountable in my blog).
After a quick private tour of my new home, we headed to Starbucks on the strip for some much needed caffeine for their 4 hour car ride home.
It was only 10:20 p.m. but Knox was hopping. Welcome to UTK guys! (see picture below)
P.S. I do NOT miss living on campus, for reasons such as this.
We had a great visit, and I'm so thankful for God putting them in my life. They are such a blessing to have as friends! It's nights like this that I'll always remember and smile on one day when I'm old and gray. (J. Crowe has a WONDERFUL blog and if you feel like being inspired, then perhaps you should read it....here!)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Today I had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. Not first ever, but first for the upcoming fall season. It made my heart warm. In all of it's half-caff, nonfat, and lite whip glory.
