My life feels like a Coldplay concert.

New FREE live coldplay album=complete and utter joy.

What is it about music that wakes me up inside? God and music. That's all I would need if I was stranded on a deserted island. And, well, God would be there anyways, so really I would just need the music. Coldplay preferably.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you..."

Life has been on the up and up for the past year. There have been the minor (or perhaps major) setbacks, but I finally feel in my groove again. Even the little things are good. I feel goofy, fun, real, happy. I had been in such a funk prior to Knox that it took a while to get out of it, but it was worth the long haul.

This year has opened my eyes up to so much. It's the first time I've ever truly examined myself as realistically as possible. Does that make sense? We all go through self-examination, sure. But don't we tend to put on our rose-tinted glasses and overlook the aspects of our lives we really need to change? Like our attitudes, bad habits. Sure we say there are things we want to change...like eating habits, lack of exercise, doing more good deeds.

But what about our inner thoughts, our hidden vices? Often we lie to ourselves because we're scared to admit that maybe we really struggle with other things. Real things. Things that are gritty and ugly. Well this year, I've looked, I've examined, and I've found myself wanting. I always thought I was a "good" person, but this past year opened my eyes to who I was truly becoming, the kind of inner self I was developing.

And I decided to change it.
I decided to admit to myself all the ugly and mean thoughts, feelings, actions I keep hidden deep within. And I'm changing them.

I'm changing me.

Ugly into beautiful. Mean into nice. Wrong into right. Hate into love. Ashamed into proud.

I love how God breaks us down only to build us up into something more glorious than before.

God is patient with me and I am better for it.

"Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me...
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded,
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me...
you found me."

Are you gettin' somewhere, or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

Sunday evening after 10 p.m. I'm waiting for my green tea to get through steeping so I can enjoy a cup while I study for my History final, which occurs in less than 10 hours. I have at least 10 hours worth of studying left to do. An all nighter...again. I'm getting too old for this stuff.

Hard to believe I've completed a full school year here in Knox. And I wouldn't change that for the world. Leaving Memphis=best thing I've probably ever done in my whole entire life (apart from becoming a Christian, but that's a given).

How come the greatness of life hits you when you don't have the time to contemplate it?

For instance, this weekend has been another life changing, thought provoking weekend, but I haven't had the opportunity to relish in that as much as I wish due to impending exams. I just want to stare into space and ponder all the life lessons I've learned this past weekend, this past month, this past year. I keep telling myself, 2 days. 2 days and you can relish in all that you've become.

World War 2 notes are calling my name. I'm almost done. 2 more days.

Me? On the World Wide Web?

I've wanted to do this for for-ev-er. However, like many things in my life, the intention is often good, but soon forgotten before anything becomes of it.

I'm working on that. Committing to things. Committing to my dreams and my goals.

A blog. Maybe it's just what I need. Maybe it's a way to get off facebook (again!).

Only time will tell...

One thing is for certain, my blog is lackin'. Give me time and it will look stellar.